Waiting
Can´t help feeling a bit like I´m in-between living at the moment. It resembles being in a vacuum. Breathing but not really living. Hanging around in the waiting-hall; waiting for the next train to come and take me to my next destination.
Well I do reckon it´s not a huge surprise feeling this way since I, at almost 27 years of age, once again moved home; this time to my dad – variety is the spice of life; I always lived with my mom before when I lived at home.
Being, once again, back in my childhood village it is hard not to compare my life with the people I grew up with. Many have children, some are married or are living together with a partner. Most of the people I see that are the same age as me are living lives that are moons away from my own. They are not even in the same galaxy. They have started their lives. They are in the middle of it.
I am not really sure how I imagined my life to be at this point when I was 15. I remember I wanted to move away from home – well now that didn’t go too well did it. When I was 15 I might have reflected on how my life would look at 21, maybe 23. Pretty sure I might have figured that by 25 I had settled down with someone and started my own family. But 26-27? No, that is too old. Why would I think of myself being that age? Surely there is nothing going on then that a 15 year-old would find exciting.
And to be fair, at exactly this moment of my life, there isn’t. I´m sleeping in the same bed as I did when I was a teenager. Working a part-time job, studying. Not really doing anything else.
The biggest different between me and the people I compare myself with is that my life is just about to start. What they have now; that´s in my future. I still have that to look forward to. Finding somewhere to call home, settling down, start building an everyday life.
I see the people I grew up with and I do envy them. I see happy families around me, with their groups of friends and "normal" lives. And I keep thinking that life would be so much easier if I could be happy and content with a life like that. But I´m not. And that saddens me, mostly because I love being close to my family and my friends. Too bad my friends are scattered all over the world, at least my family are all in the same country; for now – who knows!
My spirit is restless; it keeps pushing me to keep moving. To keep exploring. To keep searching. I don’t know what I´m looking for but I know that there is a whole world out there that is just waiting to be discovered.
So I keep going. Unsure about what will become of my life, but nonetheless sure that life will take me along the right path for me and I will find me, my purpose and my life. And I will continue to walk on my yellow brick road, enjoy the adventure that is my life because happiness is to be found along the way – not at the end of the road. So; In your face 15 year-old me for not thinking life would be exciting at this age! Now I´m almost 27 and in less then a month I will embark on the journey of a lifetime!