Tafih

When I signed up to the course I was a bit nervous. I was thinking a lot how it would be like, what would come up and what the course would be like. Not even once did I wonder how I would be after the course. I figured I would work a lot of things through during the course and, so to say, cleanse my mind.

During the last day of the course it hit me that this might actually affect me even outside the course. But I didn´t think much of in what ways.

 

Since years back I´ve been interested in yoga, mindfulness etc. I´ve been aware of that I should live in the now. I been cautious about negative thoughts and tried to live my life with a positive outlook and not let the “bad” things bother me. I understood the meaning of everything I´ve been reading and my way of thinking have definitely changed during the last couple of years. But I do not think that it is until now that I finally begin to grasp it at a deeper level. It goes beyond my thoughts. My body reacts differently to situations. Instead of trying to create a change through my way of thinking it feels like I am now doing it the other way around. Through a change at a deeper level my thoughts automatically change without having to caution myself.  

 

The other day I got into a conversation that previously would have made me agitated. Instead of a raising pulse and feeling uncomfortable I handled the conversation in a way that felt right at the moment and my way of tackling the situation also led to a change of attitude in the other person.

Yesterday I was a bit slow adjusting to the speed-limit on my way to work. Not really surprised I saw the police in front of me telling me with a hand gesture to pull over. I´ve only been stopped by the police once before and that time my heart was beating like a clock overdosing on caffeine. This time I didn´t really react. Oh well, my first ticket. It happened; I couldn’t do anything about it now so might as well crack a joke or two with the police to make the best of the situation. Instead of dwelling on it, beating myself up for driving too fast or cursing the police for having a control just where I was driving I drove away not really being bothered (but also with a grin on my face since he didn’t notice that my tires also where very much illegal – which would have cost me a lot more than the ticket did).

On the whole – I just feel more at home in myself and in control of my emotions and feelings as well as being aware on a deeper lever on how to handle them.

 

I´m even better at getting vaccinations (I have a phobia for needles..) which reminds me; only 34 days left before the adventure of a lifetime!