Tafih

While (already) started saying my goodbyes to people who have become a part of my life here in Sweden I started realizing it is not far now until I leave. Lately I´ve been so busy that I haven´t realized how quickly time´s been passing. Less than two weeks left now. And no matter how excited I am for this amazing experinece I still hate goodbyes. Even as I know I will be seeing everyone again in a close future. Realizing this made me see the life I have made for myself in Sweden since I got back here in the beginning of 2011. Also a deep talk with my co-worker made me reflect over the last three years.

 

When I moved back to Sweden after several years abroad I was a different person than I am today. I think the best way to describe me is that I was broken. I left Sweden in 2007 with the purpose to find myself. Never would I have thought that I would not do that until I got back to my home-country.

 

When I got back I needed something to do and applied for university in a city not to far from home. When I got accepted I was over the moon. Still the first year being back I thought of nothing else than leaving again but by signing up to a bachelor degree I forced myself to stay and complete what I had started. I started dreaming of what I would do after those three years - when I was free. For the first two years in uni I buried myself in my studies, my work and later on "my" organization.

 

Since I was 14-15 I have been "working" on myself. For many years I was depressed and had issues I did not knew how to deal with. But even at my darkest I wanted to feel better. I wanted to be happy. I used to look up at the stars looking for one that was falling to make this wish. Soon I realized that the only one that could make me happy was myself. I also know that my actions did not always show my belief. Hence I left Sweden searching for happiness, searching for me. I do believe I did the right choice by leaving or I would not be who or where I am today. Everything that has happend in my life have done so with a purpose, it is all a part of me.

 

When I got back I was enriched with experiences, many good and some bad. And when I got settled in Halmstad I understood that even if I wanted to believe that everything was okay it still wasn´t. The first one and a half year I continued to work on myself. Through different methods and insights I started to feel different. I felt more at peace and content then I think I had ever done.

 

As the fireworks was welcoming 2013 through a lightshow in the sky I made a resolution that this would be my "funniest" year so far. And it was, it truly was. I stopped waiting for uni to be over to live my life and gave 2013 my all.

 

When 2013 draw to an end I made another resolution, that 2014 would be the year for personal development.

And talking to my friend from work I came to many insight about myself that I already knew but had not reflected over.

 

I saw how far I have come as a person since I got back to Sweden. Now I do not wish for happiness, I am happy. I am truly happy. With and within myself. With my life. With the people in my life. I am lucky. I am lucky to be able to live the life I am living, to have my family and all the wonderful people around me in my life. The person I used to be was broken, but I found the pieces and put myself back together. It feels like I have come home to myself, that I have finally found me. This do not mean the work will end, working on myself will always be something I have to and want to do to - if you want something work for it, and I want to keep being happy. Cause happiness do not come from the outside world but within oneself.

 

And now it begins. Finding myself did not mean I would settle down and stay in Sweden, or somewhere else. It means I am complete to finally being able to do the things I always wanted but in the right state of mind to be able to properly experience and live my life to the fullest. I want to travel, experience ... everything (or as much as possible). I still want to develop as a person (cause aint that what life is about?) but this time travelling is also about me in a different way and about the situations I face and the people I met.

Cause I´m doing me,

I'm living life right now man
and this what I'm do 'til it's over

 

Love S.