Tafih

For being a person that claims to be commited to womans and youths rights I do find myself to be both a coward and a disappointment. I am engaged on a voluntary basis in a organization that works locally in Halmstad for youths and young adults rights. I do also have a passion for every persons right to equality and do not think that any person deserves to be treated badly or abusive in any way. I have also hoped that if it would come to it I would have to courage to interfere. On that point I have proven myself wrong and do wonder whether or not I can rightfully claim to be a person that stands for these beliefs since when it all comes down to it I do nothing.

 

It was the other day. While walking up the stairs to my apartment. It was midday. I heard noises from the stairway above me and a smell of alcohol tickled my nose. When I came up to my floor I saw my neighbour and straight away wished I would have come a little bit later. I have met her a couple of times before, the one time she came in to my apartment too drunk to stand on her feet and sat down in my sofa, the other time she came a afternoon asking me if I had any wine since she ran out and scared my dog (who obviously do not like drunk people) and a couple more times. She asked me if I lived in the building. Yes, for two years now I answered. She asked me if she could come in to my apartment. I said no. Several times. (I am in the middle of a move, my apartment is a disaster and I wasnt sure if she would ever leave if I let her in - I needed to study.) She asked me to come in and see her apartment and since I couldnt come up with a good excuse til why not I followed her in. She told me that the suitcase she was carrying was things she packed from her boyfriends place, she said she left him since he was both physically and mentally abusive towards her, and she told me the details. I have been to several educations and seminars about abusive relationships and violence against women (and men) (- although to my defence my focus have been youths, not middleaged women). And my first thought when I saw her was "no, not her".

And she tells me all of what her boyfriend done to her and still I do not say more than agreable comments. While I am talking to her I notice that the way I see and think of her is slowly changing and I find myself to be ashamed of the way I judged her prehand. And even worse, from the noise from her apartment I have figured out a while back that things werent right but have mostly thought for myself that it was drunken fights and been trying to avoid envolvment. Which I probably still am.

 

How can I say that I belive in womens, and mens, rights not be in abusive relationsships and claim that I would like to support the people who are when I turn a blind eye to my neighbour. What kind of person does that make me? I find myself to be ashamed by claiming to belive in something and then act the opposite. I do want to be a better person, I want to stand up for who I am and what I belive to be right and I do hope for change in my own persona and the strenght to be there for anyone who would need me and the courage to interfere. Cause when it all comes down to it I would hope that someone would do the same for me if I ever found myself in that situation.

 

Love S.